i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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