you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
