Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well you can't waste a boner
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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