thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
