God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
