Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Boobs speak an international language.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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