so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
