Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
