so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
