Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
