You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
