this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
