dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
