Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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