adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
