The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
