I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
