Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
