if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize