guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
