If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
