Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
