checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
