bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
