Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
