Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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