You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
