just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
