My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
