Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
