I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
