Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So apparently I’m into choking now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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