I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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