About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
