It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
