what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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