shes about as inviting as chlamydia
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize