You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
