She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
too bad you live with your parents still
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
