I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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