Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
