He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
