You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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