Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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