the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
