covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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