Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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