I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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