it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
