So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
