Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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