What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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