after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
