I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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