Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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