bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize