Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
