So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
