i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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