you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
