I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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