Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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