i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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