That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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