i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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