I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
